Harem Pants & Elvis

The King has some words of wisdom for us, chickens. Look at Priscilla, ladies. Take a page outta her book. She's some kinda woman. Don't hate your hips, don't hide 'em. Love 'em tender!
These words are imaginary, and I made them up, but still. He'd probably say that.   

So, harem pants are one of my favorite things. I love them. I started wearing them a few years ago when I was taking yoga lessons (on an island, in a sun-filled room tucked away above the Atlantic... my college campus was unbelievable) from this dread-locked goddess who seemed to move with an impossible fluidity. Shoulders to the ground, feet to the sky, heart wide open, and the most lively excess of fabric in the crotch of her pants. I found the style enchanting. She called them by a name I can't remember, had picked them up by the armful in India, and carried them off with the perfect balance of exotic comfort and daring charm.

They've been peppering my wardrobe since then, which was maybe 4 years ago. Never at work, and often poorly received by the general public and my grandparents in specific. But this has meant, for the love of harem pants, finding fun and different ways to style them.

Elvis also approves of my blue suede shoes. I love the pop of color they add to these pants.

The other day, sunshine and beefcake fiancé in tow, I had fun pairing them with a white cami, gold belt, blue suede shoes and a blue bag. Add delicious pearl earrings, and done.

Oh, how I love them. Instant elevators. 

The greatest thing about this: the shape! I believe in curves, I believe in celebrating what I've got. And what you've got. And having finally reached a place in my life where I'm pretty happy about and comfortable with actually having hips, I'm excited to look at an image like this and think, GIRL, WORK IT, instead of, YEAH, LET'S SEE HOW WE CAN HIDE THOSE. It's liberating (so is wearing harem pants, in general). I like feeling like there's a touch of bombshell/ absence of camouflage. 

Guys, I really love these shoes. So I stare at them longingly. And everybody loves a metallic belt. Jewelry for your waist! I'm also really curious about this sidewalk, if we're being real. I can only hope this is a sign that Ninja Turtles really do exist. 

I actually wore this pair to work last week, high-waisted over a black tank, and my boss was into it (it should be mentioned that she is more stylish and fabulous than the average bear). I am super happy to be able to work them into a professional wardrobe. I'm still experimenting. And later in the day, when we realized that sitting at my desk all day with my legs bent had stretched the knees of my pants out to reveal a flappy bulge mid-leg when I stood, I discovered my new favorite faux pas: KNEE NIPPLES. It looked like my legs had sprouted udders. I proceeded to play at milking them, because why not, and I'm still laughing about it. Gross. Ha.

Apparently I can only stand in this exact pose while wearing this oufit. Later in the evening, we stumbled across a stretch of a kid's sidewalk chalk art. Good job kid. keep on coloring the world. This snake was actually kind of awesome and went on forever. And this makes me think of MC Hammer. Everybody wins!

I'll let you know if I ever figure out how to combat Knee Nipples or discover the black-tie appropriate harem pant. Anything is possible.

Work it, chickadees.

Xx.

-Ash

Balls.

I wore this guy a couple days ago, and so many people stopped me on the street to compliment me on my balls (look closely... these silky shorts are hemmed with tiny pom poms). I can't think of another time I've heard so much talk about balls from total strangers... Except at the drag show I went to later that night, where *ball* talk abounded. 

Greatest Romper Ever.

Black Sandals I Pretend Are NOT Flip Flops...

I'm back in Chicago (I am mostly happy to be home-- family/puppies/neighbors/friends/charming nasal speech patterns/my lovely neighborhood and my lovely slice of the city...), but the South has followed me. I'm sitting in a cafe ( near the window, on the floor, on pillows, like a dirty hippie, which I'm pretty happy about), and even though the joint is washed in bright colors suggestive of a journey to Ashram, peddles Indonesian baubles and artisan-made soaps steps from its juice bar, and vibrates bohemian, Lynrd Skynrd is playing. Has been for the twenty minutes I've been here. And I'm missing New Orleans, but this place touts itself as a place for travelers. Maybe it will help.

I order tea and nachos. Um, that's what travelers eat, right? Full disclosure, this is my third go at a pile of nachos in two days, and I am a fucking nacho champion. Just saying. 

Missing the crap out of our little pink house... WHY GOD WHYYYY?!

Rain is falling now, unforgivably down the face of our sweet waitress, who's serving the jag-offs that insist she cater to their desires to exist just outside the reach of the deluge. They, covered and dry; she, left to the elements and handling it like a champ. Beyond the awning the rainfall has grown into rivers at the curbside.

I'm thinking of just a couple days ago: hot sun slapping my back as I wandered through the towering graves of a beautiful New Orleans cemetery. I'm remembering the absolute liberation I felt (even though it was hot as devil ass, which in NOLA in late July is a cold front) wearing this:

Shortly hereafter, I was approached by a kindly chick who offered me a tube of sunscreen because HOLY FUCK YOU GONNA BURN LITTLE GIRL! I'm not even a true redhead, guys. But my skin is totally ginger skin. Knock it off, skinz. Also, thank you, sunscreen lady!

Note the many X's and offerings, attempts at appeal to the favor of this passed Voodoo priestess.

They call these cemeteries "Cities of the Dead," but they couldn't feel more alive, somehow. Alive with regal palm trees thrusting themselves up in between tombs, swift scuttling lizards dancing about the vines at the bases of graves, mossy green flora fanning itself through the vacant spaces in burial structures, and the stories of tour guides bringing the deceased into being... again, and again, and again. Oh! And, also, this hat. 

The perfect thing to wear when you don't want anything to touch you because holy heat, or when you want to feel pretty awesome about the fact that your boobs are tiny, because otherwise I don't know how one might sport such a thang. This not a dig at you, big-tittied mommas, I still envy all your curves and edges, just like John Legend. Whatever, Chrissy Teigen. 

See, look at him, all falling in love with you and whatnot.

***

Freebird plays. The couple next to me (skinny jeans, ironic 90s tees, duplicate haircuts),
She to him: Oh! Isn't this your favorite song?
His reply: Um, no. That must be your other boyfriend.

Nachos: gone. Tea: a swig or so left.

The pillows I'm seated on are starting to feel lumpy and I can't find a polite way to sink my weight into them. The table to my right is occupied by two ladies about my age -- one, a patient listener; the other, OH MY GOD STOP BITCHING ABOUT YOUR CRAMPS (She's been reading the transcripts of some text message communication for about a hundred years, now). Please? I'm trying to digest nachos, over here. And it's kind of hard work. And I'm trying to meditate on how fantastic it was to see the (supposed, at least) tomb of Marie Laveau (for those who are not into creepy shit or history, Marie Laveau was a lauded Creole practitioner of Voodoo who helped to drive the practice, like a nail, into the foundation of the city's culture).

I'm not mad, for serious. It's just way too hot to move my face muscles. 

I would like to submit a formal request that should I die, which I plan never to do, that those who come to pay their respects bring equal amounts flowers and jewelry. Mardi Gras beads: totally acceptable. It is what it is. Don't care how ya bury me. Just appreciate that I'm probably haunting you if this request goes unmet. 

I'm trying to convince M. that a move to New Orleans is inevitable. If I could just take a boat ride through a swamp once a month, have tremendous live music bouncing off of me from every angle on the daily, and be surrounded by technicolor buildings and people, I think I would be quite satisfied. Once upon a time, I lived in NOLA. I played the parts of singer in a band, photographer's assistant, songwriter, and delinquent opera student. Having been back now, older and wiser (and mostly just not 19 anymore), the place is more invigorating than ever. Perhaps I am simply on a vacation high. I mean, I've heard people in such a stupor sing the praises of all manner of shit towns. Anyway, more to come on all of that. 

So, did you book your tickets yet? Where are you going? We're thinking New Mexico, next (I'm not sure why, but hey, when the call is there...). Then a European extravaganza (which must include  the pools of Sorrento, and every possible beautiful thing, obviously), an Indian jaunt, and maybe some Shamanic adventure through Peru. All of the reaches. ALL OF THEM. 

And a honeymoon in there, somewhere.

Dear Voodoo,

Please help?

Love and love and love. 

-Ash